Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
