It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
