Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
