So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
