I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
