Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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