what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
