Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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