Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
