Whod you bang
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
