are you still at the devil's house?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
