what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Can I color on your dick again?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
