ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
