$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
