I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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