Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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