I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
