Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
