Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
