You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Do you still have your period?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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