Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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