i was born a porn star she said
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize