you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
