I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
