now i know why i became what i already was.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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