Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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