When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
