She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
