I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You left your phone here
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