Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You're like the curious george of whores
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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