By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
