remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
