Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
