So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
They took my balls.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
not ubering you a puppy
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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