Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
