So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
