Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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