If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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