I think im going to throw up on grandma
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
