omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
