i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
