I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
