Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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