i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize