So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
