wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
