My friends, they love my intelligence
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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