dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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