can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
