best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
A bitchslap is in order.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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