She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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