do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
