hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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