FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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